


(don't matter what) people say

by psych0midget (cominupforair)



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: (but just the tiniest bit I promise), Ableist Language, Bisexual Disasters Aaron Minyard and Kevin Day, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Kevin and Aaron go to therapy!, M/M, POV Aaron Minyard, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Secret Relationship, Wholesome Twinyards, and try to fix their problems, but like it takes them months to even realise they're in a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cominupforair/pseuds/psych0midget
Summary: Aaron knew he was bi.He had long come to terms with it, but he believed that he could pretend he was straight as long as he kept dating girls.But then Kevin happened. That’s where Aaron’s carefully constructed world really started crumbling. With him and Kevin kissing on his bed, legs tangled and hands roaming each other’s bodies.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard
Comments: 65
Kudos: 278





	(don't matter what) people say

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no idea how I ended up writing almost 8k words for a rerepair, but I love kevaaron and I couldn't get this idea out of my mind *shrugs*  
> I guess the only difference between this fic and canon is that Kevin and Aaron are both single and they're roommates. Oh and Aaron has an Instagram account because I have a passion for anachronisms!  
>   
> Huuge thanks to [alex_glasses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_glasses) who read this over and convinced me and my stupid brain to post the fic. Maya, you're the best! ❤️ (go read her fics!!!!)  
>   
>  **content warnings:** use of ableist language, internalized homophobia, unhealthy coping mechanisms, description of nightmares (nothing detailed), mentions of past drug/alchol abuse. If there are any tags or warnings I missed, please let me know in the comments!  
>   
> 

There’s two ways you can grow up when you had a traumatic childhood. 

Or so Aaron thought. 

Either you embrace your trauma, you don’t hide it and learn to live with it or you pretend you’re fine, perfectly fine.

Aaron had obviously chosen the second option.

He qualified for the Foxes, played for the Foxes, but he kept his distance from the Foxes. As soon as games and practices were over, he removed his helmet, his jersey and tried to forget he was part of the team. 

Being a Fox meant that the whole world knew he was different. And Aaron wanted none of that.

Aaron hung out with the cheerleaders instead. It made him look cool, socially acceptable. He drank a couple of beers, played beer pong, socialized with the other jocks. He didn’t really understand why only the exy team had a bad reputation while the other teams were okay. Or why the football players qualified thanks to their abilities rather than thanks to their past trauma. Aaron didn’t think he would’ve ever qualified for an exy college team if it wasn’t for Andrew. Not that he could complain, the sports scholarship came in handy when one planned on going to med school but couldn’t afford it.

Another consequence of childhood trauma was that Aaron got to the point where he couldn’t tell the difference between his own person and the trauma. What would have Aaron done if he wasn’t saddled with years and years of abuse, addiction, and rejection? Fuck knows! But the worst thing was that it took him months of therapy to accept it and realise that yes, even if from the outside he looked like a perfectly normal human being, his trauma was no less important. And it was real. And even if he was used to it, it didn’t mean that it was okay.

No, scratch that.

The worst thing was that it took Neil fucking Josten to make him go to therapy with his brother. And then six months of joint therapy to realise that he needed more therapy of his own. And one more month (okay, six weeks) to understand why people trusted Bee and confided in her.

That’s probably why Aaron felt so betrayed when Bee told him that going to addiction recovery groups could be beneficial to him. She told him about a group called “Recovering Addicts For Pizza” and assured him that it wasn’t a formal meeting, just people hanging out and talking, just people eating pizza together once a week and being friends. Just people he shared experiences with. People that understood.

Bee wrote down the address and the contact information on a post-it before Aaron could storm out of the room. She made him promise not to throw it away and Aaron hated not being able to wear apathy on his face like Andrew because that’s exactly what he’d planned on doing. 

Aaron might have come to terms with the fact that his trauma was real and important, but it didn’t mean that he wanted other people to know.

He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to be friends with addicts. He hated the way Betsy suggested that ex addicts might understand him better, the way she implied that the only people who could see him as a friend were people as flawed as him. Rationally, he knew that it was not what Betsy meant, but Aaron had spent years and years trying to fit in. Trying to disassociate himself from that kind of people (people like him, yes, he knew) because it was the only way he could prove to himself that he was not like them. He was normal. If normal people accepted him, then he was normal, right? 

And now hanging out with recovering addicts would only destroy everything he’d worked for: normalcy. 

Besides, “Recovering Addicts For Pizza” was the shittiest name he’d ever heard (RAFP was only marginally better).

  


-

  


Aaron skipped the first dinner with the group. And then the second. And yeah, also the third. He thought he could get away with it. It’s not like Betsy had forced him to go, it was just a suggestion. Besides she knew he wouldn’t go, just like he knew what was better for him. And mingling with sick people was not good for him, didn’t matter if he was just as sick as them. He’d gotten a master’s degree in avoidance techniques at the age of 13, thank you very much.

Which, well, didn’t really explain why he ended up going to the meeting the fourth time. 

He was just walking near the pizzeria where the RAFP meet-up was taking place and he thought he’d check it out. He wanted to see what it was like, he was sure that it would only cement his resolution not to go. He’d expected a group of people sitting in a circle, eating pizza slices while watching the floor. He’d expected silence, embarrassment. Maybe one of those support groups he saw in the movies where everyone introduced themselves and was forced to talk about how long they’d used and how many times they relapsed and how long they’d been sober. “Hi, my name is Aaron, I was a drug addict” and so on. Or maybe a group of religious freaks. 

He didn’t expect a group of loud 20-somethings sitting around a table, laughing and stealing pizza from each other.

He didn’t expect to see Kevin Day there. 

He knew that Kevin had stopped drinking after Riko died. He was regularly seeing a therapist and Wymack had consulted a team of physiotherapists to help Kevin recover from his hand injury. Aaron knew that Kevin was doing his best, but he didn’t think he’d willingly befriend other people because - well because he was Kevin Day, always brooding and focused and cold - the one sitting at that table couldn’t possibly be the same Kevin Day Aaron saw every morning. 

A Kevin Day that smiled and laughed with his mouth full of pizza. A Kevin Day that didn’t get angry when the girl sitting next to him elbowed him in the ribs and happily accepted the fries he was offered. 

Years later Aaron would blame his actions on his own stupidity. He just wanted to see how Kevin would react, but he didn’t think about the consequences. Before Aaron even knew what he was doing, he marched into the pizzeria, walked towards the table of the RAFP and grabbed one of the free chairs.

There. 

It took Kevin exactly two seconds to realise who was now sitting at his table. Aaron saw the moment his expression changed and a familiar frown formed between his brows.

And there he was, Kevin Asshole Day.

“Why are you here?” they both said at the same time like, you know, two idiots. Aaron was sure the other patrons of the restaurant were having the time of their lives watching their exchange.

Kevin continued, “Did Andrew send you here to check on me?”

Aaron spluttered, “What the fuck? No!” 

Kevin was the one intruding in what was supposed to be Aaron’s new space. “Did Betsy tell you to come here too?” he asked, crossing his arms. It had to be one of her plans. Aaron knew he shouldn’t have trusted her. What the hell was she even trying to do, he already spent enough time with Kevin?!

“No. I don’t even go to Betsy, I have another therapist! What does that have to do with Betsy?” Kevin replied. “How did you know I was here?” he added quickly, one hand massaging his temple. Tired? Yes, Kevin suddenly looked tired.

“For fuck’s sake, I did not know you were here, asshole, the world doesn’t revolve around you, I thought you spent all your time playing stickball, I didn’t even think you had  friends !” Aaron looked around himself and noticed the weird looks the other members of the group were giving him. Great. How was he even supposed to be friends with them now? Not that he wanted to be friends with any of them but-

The girl sitting next to Kevin suddenly burst out laughing and soon the entire table joined her. Aaron heard them say “He called Kevin “asshole””, “I like him”, “Yeah, we should keep him”, “Oh no he’s blushing”, “Tyler stop him if he runs away”, “I’m not going to run after anyone Cami, we can’t force him to stay here if he wants to leave!”, “But he called Kevin “asshole”!!”, “I know but-”

The girl sitting next to Kevin, the same girl that miraculously elbowed Kevin in the ribs without getting murdered, shushed the others. “Guys, guys, cut it off, we’re scaring the newcomer away! Kev, why don’t you introduce us to your friend?”

Aaron felt dread settle in his stomach, but Kevin rolled his eyes, exasperated, and answered. “This is my teammate and roommate Aaron Minyard. He’s a passable backliner, but he’s a pain in the ass, there’s no cure for his assholery, I suggest you avoid him as much as possible. He looks docile because he’s a midget, but he bites so be careful.” 

Kevin’s mouth quirked up when he saw the scowl on Aaron’s face. Kevin didn’t look as carefree as he was when Aaron walked into the pizzeria, but he seemed to believe Aaron when he said he wasn’t there to check on him and his shoulders relaxed.

Aaron could work with that. 

“I told you he’s an asshole, but you probably already noticed. What other incriminating or embarrassing things do you want to know about Kevin? If you’re interested I’ve got plenty of embarrassing photos of Kevin on my phone!” Aaron quipped, finally sitting at the table.

  


-

  


Part and parcel of pretending to be perfectly normal (as normal as he could pretend to be while also being a Fox) was trying to hide his interests. When Aaron began doing it, it wasn’t a conscious decision. He just noticed that his friends weren’t as excited about new video games as he was so he quit talking about them. They liked bikes and skates and girls and Aaron adapted. 

He was never bullied because he always took action before the bullying started and shoved his real interests aside. It wasn’t difficult and it made his life easier. It was worth it. Easy enough. Aaron just strived to be accepted by his classmates. So that he could forget about his addict mother. So that he could forget about his twin brother who had told him to fuck off by mail and then got shipped off to juvie. He wanted his life to look picture perfect from the outside. It was the only thing he had control over. 

After some time Aaron began actively hiding his interests. He hid his video games under his bed, he filled his room with cool posters and stopped listening to game soundtracks (not that anyone would ever look at his phone or at his YouTube chronology, but it was better to be safe than sorry). He also ran a perfectly curated Instagram account with stunning panorama shots and quirky captions. Exy photos were okay, he had a following at Palmetto and people seemed to find it cool especially after the Foxes won their first championship during Aaron’s sophomore year. No trace of what he actually liked doing.

He was so used to pretending that the thing he loved doing the most wasn’t spending his entire day holed up in his room playing video games, that sometimes he forgot his family knew him. When Nicky came home from class and gave him the new Mario Kart, Aaron was so caught off he almost hid it under his pillow. It took him a couple of seconds to relax his grip on the game case and invite Nicky to play with him.

They played together for hours. Aaron’s face set like stone, eyes sharp as he caught the very tip of his tongue between his teeth, his nose slightly scrunched up. Focused. He didn’t notice it was well past midnight until Nicky squeezed his shoulder and excused himself, too tired to continue.

Aaron didn’t stop. The thing he liked about video games was that they distracted him, they didn’t make him think about anything else. A bit like books, but more interactive.

It was around one am that Andrew, Neil and Kevin came back from their night practice. The other Foxes and him joined them twice a week, but those three idiots continued to practice every night. Relentlessly. Aaron gave them a two finger salute without looking, he kept his eyes on the tv.

He only noticed that Kevin was still in the room when he sat next to him, picked up the second controller and asked “Can I?”

Aaron paused the game. Then nodded.

Surprisingly, things hadn’t been weird between him and Kevin after their RAFP dinners (yes, dinners, plural, Aaron had continued going). They just- they just didn’t talk about it. But it wasn’t weird.

Aaron still struggled conciliating the two Kevins in his mind. The usual Kevin. The one who berated him 24/7 (and everyone else, himself included), the single-minded athlete, the history nerd. And then Kevin 2.0. The one who occasionally ate junk food, joked with people, introduced him like a friend, laughed when the others made fun of him. The Kevin who opened up and talked about the things he enjoyed doing with a glint in his eyes. 

Aaron hadn’t told anyone. Not even Betsy. It was something private, something he didn’t dare tell anyone out of fear that it would never repeat itself. Which was why Aaron was surprised to see Kevin 2.0 make another appearance now that he was gaming with him.

He laughed. He made self-deprecating comments every time he took a wrong turn but he wasn’t a sore loser. He complimented Aaron when he won. He filled the silence with inane chatter and Aaron found himself replying to him, naturally. Talking.

Around two am Aaron stopped the game to go get some popcorn in the kitchen. When he came back to the living room, Kevin was sleeping on the beanbag. Controller still clutched in his hands. Kevin’s perfect profile was bathed in a silvery glow. Aaron took out his phone and quickly snapped a photo.

  


-

  


Aaron groaned when he found himself staring at the photo he’d taken of Kevin. He wasn’t supposed to find Kevin Day drooling on a beanbag endearing. 

  


-

  


It happened again. Kevin gaming with him at night. 

Kevin obviously regretted it in the morning when Neil had to pour cold water on his face to wake him up.

  


-

  


It was fucking meant to be a stupid fucking hookup.

Kevin and he were walking home after a dinner with the RAFP group. It was late because they’d ordered a dessert after the pizza and then they started talking about their exes. And Aaron was so surprised by Kevin’s willingness to discuss the topic with these people, he couldn’t help but open up too. He talked about his ex unofficial girlfriends. And Katelyn, especially Katelyn.

Kevin told them about Thea. But then he also talked about being in an on-again off-again relationship with Jean. Jean Moreau. Tall, slim, dark and blue-eyed. And Aaron was trying to picture Kevin and Jean. Together. The two hottest men Aaron had ever laid his eyes on. In a relationship. He couldn’t fucking shake the image of Kevin casually telling his friends that he had been involved with Jean Moreau. Stress on “casually”. Like it was no big deal. Kevin. Casually. Admitting. He was bi or pan or whatever, but not 100% straight. 

“Why are you so different when you’re with the people from the recovering addicts group?” Aaron asked, breaking the silence.

Kevin just shrugged, “I feel like they understand me better.” 

That’s what Aaron hated about group therapy. The assumption that you had to get along with someone solely because you went through the same shit. “And on what grounds? What do you have in common with Anya? She was addicted to online games, you’ve only ever played Mario Kart with me and Nicky and Andrew once every blue moon. Or, I don’t know, what do you have in common with Jay? He had a gambling addiction, you barely even place your bets with Allison. Just because we were all addicts, it doesn’t mean you have something to share with them!”

“Actually yes, we have something in common. They know what it’s like. And they don’t have the same expectations everyone else has. I’m not Kevin Day the exy star, I’m just- I’m just Kevin.” 

Oh, so this is why he’d indulged Cami and Tyler and replied to their questions about exy because, well, because Kevin was the Son of Exy and the others were curious. And instead of clamming up, Kevin had told them about his games, his past and whatnot. It made sense. But it didn’t explain why - “Then why don’t you behave like that with us as well? It’s not like we haven’t seen you at your worst and stuck with you anyway!” Aaron blurted out. 

“And why don’t  you  behave like that with us?” Kevin’s fingers twitched. “It’s not like we don’t see you at your worst every morning when you wake up.”

Ouch. Low blow. Kevin wasn’t pulling his punches tonight, was he? 

“Fuck you Kev,” Aaron almost growled. 

“Bullshit, you behaved like the perfect charming boyfriend when you were with Katelyn and her friends, why don’t you behave like that with us?”

Aaron took a deep breath. Yes, because he was faking it. Perfect Boyfriend™. But his stupid mouth said: “Were you jealous?”

“No I just thought you were a boring version of Andrew at the time.” 

The audacity.

“And now?” 

“Now I spend most of my days torn between wanting to shut you up with a punch and wanting to shut you up with a kiss. Stop trying to change the topic, Aaron.”

Wait. Wait. What? Abort. Abort. Abort.

“You’re the one who changed the topic!” There, there, Aaron made it, he changed the topic again. 

“What are you? Five?” Kevin rebutted. 

“I’m not the one who said he wanted to kiss me out of the blue and then accused me of trying to change the topic!” 

(What. the. actual. fuck. Aaron?)

Kevin froze and stopped walking. His shoulders slumped a bit. He looked at the sky and muttered something, probably a curse, before he finally looked at Aaron and said “You’re insufferable,” closed the distance between them and kissed him. 

Kevin Day kissed him. 

And then Kevin said he’d been thinking about kissing him for a while and Aaron had no fucking idea. He hadn’t seen it coming, but he wasn’t opposed to the idea of kissing Kevin a couple more times so he told him to shut the fuck up and they ended up kissing some more and having sex on Kevin’s desk. 

Yep, that escalated quickly. 

  


-

  


The morning after Aaron woke up hoping Kevin would think about him every time he opened one of the text books he’d fucked Aaron on. But that was supposed to be it. Stop. Full stop. A hookup. Nothing more.

  


-

  


One hookup became two and three. 

It’s not like Aaron could say no when Kevin was up for it. Or well yes of course he could say no, but he didn’t want to, the sex was good. It’s not every day that someone as fit as a God wanted to fuck Aaron. And so Kevin and Aaron began hooking up every time after their RAFP dinners.

Aaron supposed they were friends with benefits? Or a recurrent booty call? It’s not like they’d talked about it, but it was okay. Aaron was single. Kevin was single. The sex was good, really really good. And if the downstairs neighbours complained they were too loud, Aaron blamed it on Andrew and Neil. It was not his fault everyone believed he was the good twin.

  


-

  


Aaron and Kevin still gamed together at night. Kevin was focused, but not exy-focused. Winning or losing a video game didn’t have repercussions on his life expectancy, after all. And so Kevin was focused, but animated. He punched the air and made excited whoops every time he made a goal. When he missed, he threw his hands up and dramatically flopped onto his back. 

Aaron couldn’t stop staring at him.

  


-

  


Sometimes Kevin fell asleep in Aaron’s bed. After. It happened to everyone. No big deal. Sometimes Aaron mushed his face on Kevin’s chest and stayed there, nestled into Kevin’s arms, tracing Kevin’s ribcage with his fingertips. 

Before Aaron realised it, Kevin spent more time in Aaron’s bed than in his own. The make out sessions became slower and deeper rather than desperate. Rather than just a means to an end. Aaron’s thumb tracing Kevin’s queen tattoo when they kissed.

Aaron mentally cursed Bee as he let Kevin drag him to his bed and pull him on his lap, Aaron’s legs bracketing Kevin’s hips. 

This was all Bee’s fault.

  


-

  


Aaron knew he was bi. 

He had long come to terms with it, but he believed that he could pretend he was straight as long as he kept dating girls. Actively choosing to ignore his childhood trauma and pretending he was “normal” also meant hiding part of his sexuality. He thought he had a choice. He was attracted to boys and girls, but he decided to act on his feelings only with girls. And so it was Jennifer, it was Maria, it was Hanna, it was Serena. They were hidden because of the deal he had with Andrew. It was Katelyn for a long while, his first official girlfriend.

But then Kevin happened. That’s where Aaron’s carefully constructed world really started crumbling. With him and Kevin kissing on his bed, legs tangled and hands roaming each other’s bodies.

If it had been a simple drunken hook up at Eden’s then Aaron could’ve kept on lying. Not to himself, but to the rest of the world. Instead he was kissing Kevin in the daylight. Right where he could not mistake Kevin’s sharp edges, toned thighs and muscled arms for a nameless girl. He couldn’t even mistake Kevin’s forest green eyes for the eyes of a nameless boy. Not when those eyes kept him pinned to the bed with the intensity of their gaze. And Aaron fucking loved it, the way it made him feel. Having Kevin Day focusing single-mindedly on him was heady. It made his head spin.

It all came down to a single realisation: it was a Tuesday afternoon. After. Aaron was lying between Kevin’s legs, he was playing video games while Kevin looked up exy stats on his phone, one hand distractedly playing with Aaron’s hair. 

Maybe it was not just sex.

  


-

  


Aaron could still fix it. No one else knew about their...entanglement. It wasn’t too late. He could cut it off with Kevin and date a girl. Not that there was anything to cut off, he was not in a relationship with Kevin. He’d certainly miss Kevin’s big hands wrapped around his waist or the way Kevin held his weight effortlessly. But he’d get used to it. 

Aaron could still fix it. It wasn’t irreversible as long as no one found out.

Kevin obviously ruined his plans. Without telling him first. 

A non-exhaustive list of things that drove Aaron up the wall:

One. Andrew ignoring him. 

Two. Josten’s mouth.

Three. Kevin Day’s - Kevin Day’s everything.

Especially when Kevin fucking Day kissed him on the mouth during one of the RAFP dinners. Held his hand, opened the door for him and led him to their table. Shared a pizza with him. Like they were actual boyfriends. 

Aaron also hated himself because his traitorous body melted against Kevin’s and he let himself be kissed and pampered and- ugh. 

Aaron tried. He really tried. But resisting Kevin was hard. He told himself it was because they were in public and he didn’t want to throw a tantrum. He told himself he was just trying to be civil, but he still relaxed against Kevin’s chest because he liked the way it rumbled when Kevin laughed. And Kevin laughed so much when Tyler and Cami talked about work and made fun of their bosses. 

Aaron also tried holding a grudge. It didn’t work. Eventually he decided that no one knew Kevin and him hung out with the recovering addicts. It was still a secret. As long as they behaved normally in front of the Foxes, he still had an option. Kevin definitely wouldn’t want to come out, Aaron was sure of that. He wasn’t allowed to compromise his exy career for a stupid fling with a teammate. In the meantime Aaron could make use of Kevin’s endless stamina for a bit longer.

  


-

  


Sure enough, in the following months Kevin behaved like nothing had changed. He yelled at Aaron when his footwork wasn’t good enough and Aaron still wanted to throttle him whenever he opened his mouth.They barely ever looked at each other, let alone touch each other in public. 

  


-

  


Going to the recovering addicts nights felt like being in a parallel universe to Aaron. He was almost eager to go. He felt settled in his skin. Kevin was charming, still an asshole but he smiled and teased the others good-naturedly. Aaron sat on his lap, Kevin’s hand possessively wrapped around his waist. They talked, they had fun, they walked back home together, they fucked, they slept in each other’s arms.

The morning after they pretended like nothing happened.

  


-

  


Walking into his and Kevin’s room felt like being in a parallel universe as well.

Sometimes it was hilarious. Kevin pretended he was pissed off with Aaron, Aaron screamed back at him. Andrew fixed them with a death glare. They yelled at each other some more until Neil fixed them with a death glare of his own. Kevin and Aaron pretended they needed to talk things out and went to their room. As soon as the door locked behind their backs, Kevin laughed, pushed Aaron against the door and kissed him senseless. 

Other times Kevin walked into their bedroom with a straight back and a neutral expression on his face. When the door was closed, he collapsed on Aaron’s bed and curled up around him. Aaron stayed there, next to him, unmoving, listening to Kevin’s laboured breaths. 

  


-

  


When Nicky knocked on their door to ask if he could borrow one of their beanies, Kevin launched himself off of Aaron’s bed and sat on the chair. Straight back and neutral expression back in place. 

  


-

  


It’s just that it was easy around Kevin. Aaron sometimes thought that being in Kevin’s presence was the only time he didn’t have to perform or pretend. They provided a space for each other to be themselves, work through their problems without any expectation. 

  


-

  


Aaron got used to having Kevin around. They gamed together, played exy together, went to the gym together. Aaron wasn’t particularly surprised when he found Kevin sitting at his table in the library.

Normally, Aaron would study alone. Focus so hard on his essays he’d forget about everything else. Aaron aced his tests. Aaron was at the top of his class. Studying had always been the only thing he was really good at, he wouldn’t let exy or Kevin change that. (Say hello to Aaron’s umpteenth coping mechanism - at least this one would hopefully get him to med school!).

He was about to tell Kevin to fuck off when he noticed that Kevin wasn’t bothering him. He was silently poring over his Roman history manual, highlighting some sections, taking notes.

“Are you going to finish that essay or are you going to keep staring at me?” Kevin asked without lifting his eyes from the book. 

How fucking dare he?

“I wasn’t staring at you!” Aaron rebutted.

“You were.”

“No I wasn’t.”

“You definitely were. At this rate I’ll finish my essay before you and I haven’t even started it.”

Kevin smirked when he saw Aaron going back to his laptop, typing like crazy. 

Sometimes Aaron really wanted to bash Kevin’s head with an encyclopaedia.

(For the record, Aaron finished his essay before Kevin. Obviously.)

  


-

  


Kevin and Aaron continued studying together. Kevin usually brought him lunch because he was scared Aaron would either forget to eat or buy a sandwich from the vending machines (no matter how many times Aaron told him that no, it was not hereditary, he did not enjoy junk food as much as his brother). In return, Aaron bought Kevin coffee when he didn’t sleep much at night (be it Aaron’s fault or not).

Their study sessions prolonged far beyond the library’s closing time. They brought their books to their dorms and kept going at it till one of them fell asleep. Kevin quizzed Aaron until he was so sleepy he mumbled random answers. Aaron proofread Kevin’s essays and helped him rework the sentences that didn’t flow.

Maybe studying with Kevin worked for Aaron because they had very similar methodologies, but they studied different subjects and didn’t pressure each other. Maybe it worked because they were two competitive assholes and continuously challenged each other. Maybe it worked because of the sexual incentives. Kevin was emotive, he had nightmares, he panicked. Aaron sucked him off before his tests to help him relieve stress. Aaron, on the other hand, was painfully focused, his fists and jaw clenched, his shoulders so stiff they hurt. And Kevin fucked him into the mattress until Aaron let go and relaxed. He also let Aaron tuck his head under his chin and then ran soothing fingers between Aaron’s shoulder blades.

Aaron and Kevin’s study sessions were extremely productive and they both got straight A+s.

That didn’t explain why Aaron and Kevin phoned each other after every test to know how it went. Neither it explained why they celebrated their excellent grades with a picnic, sushi and strawberries. Just the two of them.

  


-

  


No, it didn’t explain why Aaron let Kevin ramble about history for hours and listened to him, raptured by the way his eyes twinkled when he got excited about something. Aaron often wondered when he’d gotten so used to the sound of Kevin’s voice.

(Yes, maybe it explained why Kevin never complained when Aaron asked for his help for his anatomy assignments.)

  


-

  


In retrospect, Aaron shouldn’t have underestimated Andrew.

“What’s going on with you and Kevin?” Andrew asked, his head inside the washing machine to double check he hadn’t forgotten any stray sock.

What the actual fuck?

“Nothing.”

Andrew turned to scowl at him. His “don’t fuck with me” expression ruined only by the grimace he made when the bumped his head against the washing machine. Aaron smirked.

“I’ll bash your skull against the washing machine if you don’t stop smiling,” Andrew growled. 

“Sure,” Aaron shrugged and kept folding his clothes. Andrew’s threats had stopped working the moment Aaron understood that Andrew would burn the world for him. Months and months of therapy made him realise that the feeling was mutual.

“Aaron,” Andrew insisted.

“What?”

“I’ve seen the way Kevin looks at you.”

Like he wanted to fuck Aaron into next week? Sure, but he was not gonna tell Andrew  that . Luckily, Kevin’s bed eyes could easily be mistaken for murder eyes. Aaron snorted.

“You mean like he wants to murder me every time I let him get near your goal during practice?”

Andrew narrowed his eyes. Searching. 

“No, it’s like he doesn’t want to ever leave your side.” 

And then he picked up the laundry basket and walked out of the room like he hadn’t just turned Aaron’s world upside down. Fucking drama queen.

  


-

  


Aaron tried to ignore Andrew’s words, but they made him see Kevin in a different light. And they made Aaron panic.

Because Andrew was right.

Kevin’s eyes were always trained on him. When Aaron was distractedly twirling a pen between his fingers. When Aaron was fixing the straps of his protective gear before a game. When Aaron was lifting weights at the gym. Even when Kevin scored the winning goal and his eyes immediately sought out Aaron’s.

Aaron chalked it up to the sexual tension, but then he noticed the way Kevin looked at him during sex. The way Kevin made love to him. He was incredibly attentive, he always made sure Aaron came before he sought his own pleasure, he listened to him and never forgot to check if he was alright. But that was Kevin and Kevin had always been like that. What really freaked Aaron out was the way Kevin’s eyes softened when they were kissing, the devotion and affection he didn’t even try to hide. The way he trailed Aaron’s body with his lips, kissing every inch of his skin, slow, never taking his eyes off Aaron. 

Aaron panicked. Just a tiny bit. He held himself up on all fours above Kevin, looking at the way Kevin laid under him with his tan skin and his countless moles and his green eyes. Aaron had no idea what to do. He didn’t have a clue. But Kevin smiled and reached up for his mouth and kissed him till Aaron’s mouth was sore. 

Aaron was the biggest idiot in the world. He was in a relationship with Kevin Day. It was there for everyone to see. And if Andrew had figured it out, other people would probably put two and two together sooner than later. 

He had to break up with Kevin. 

  


-

  


It was easier said than done.

Aaron skipped the RAFP dinners for two weeks straight. He feigned a persistent headache. He was pretty sure no one believed his excuse, but he didn’t feel like playing house with Kevin in front of other people.

Aaron tried avoiding Kevin, but there wasn’t much he could do when he was still Kevin’s roommate. When they studied together and Kevin’s favourite pastime was giving him shoulder massages to help him relax. When they constantly hung out with each other. 

When they went to Eden’s every weekend and Aaron didn’t know how to resist the pull of Kevin’s body on the dance floor. The loud music, the warmth and the smell of Kevin’s cologne. The way their hips swayed together, Kevin’s thighs brushing against his ass. The way Aaron wanted to bury his face in Kevin’s chest and  breathe . He couldn’t even chalk it up to being high or inebriated because he’d only drunk a watered-down vodka tonic. He just wanted to be held by Kevin, he wanted to be kissed by Kevin. 

But he didn’t think Kevin would actually give in and kiss him in public. His hand cradling Aaron’s head and his lips tasting sweet, like soda. It was just a quick peck. But then Kevin wrapped one of his arms around Aaron’s waist and pulled him closer. And then it was tongues and bites and-

It took Aaron’s brain a couple of minutes to take everything in. Being kissed. By a boy. Not by a random boy, no, no, by Kevin Day. In public. At Eden’s. Where people knew him. Where his family could see them.

“What the fuck Kevin?” Aaron panted against Kevin’s lips, trying to push him away.

Kevin gripped his t-shirt and kept him close. “No one’s gonna see us,” he pointed out. “Andrew and Neil never leave the table. Roland’s not working today. Nicky is probably too drunk to even remember his own name. He won’t recognize us if he sees us.”

Aaron exhaled. Kevin was right, Aaron was worrying for no reason. He rested his head against Kevin’s chest and breathed, slow, calm. Letting Kevin kiss his head, his nape, his neck till his heart stopped hammering in his chest. Letting Kevin push him against the wall. It was okay. It was okay.

“Can I?” asked Kevin, but Aaron’s brain was not in the right state to formulate an answer, so he lifted his head and faced Kevin. He pulled him down for a kiss, hungry and deep. And then another one. And another. Aaron’s grip tightened on Kevin’s waist, the skin warm and taut beneath his fingers and his dick twitched with interest. 

At first Aaron was so distracted by the way Kevin hummed against his lips, he didn’t even register the “What the hell?” he heard over the loud music of the club.

But then he turned around and Neil Josten was staring at them, mouth agape. 

Fun-fucking-tastic. 

  


-

  


In retrospect, Aaron had been lucky. 

Had it been Andrew finding them making out- Aaron didn’t even want to think about what Andrew would’ve done.

But Nicky. Nicky would’ve been the worst option. Being knifed was a thousand times better than being subjected to Nicky’s neverending screeches. 

Neil, instead, just closed his mouth. Nodded. And disappeared back into the crowd. 

  


-

  


Aaron freaked out anyway. 

“I told you someone would see us!” Aaron burst out.

“It’s just Neil!” 

“What the fuck does that even mean?”

“It means that he’s not going to tell tabloids or reporters, it’s just Neil!”

“I don’t care about tabloids or reporters, I care about the whole fucking uni finding out!”

“Well, I care about tabloids and reporters, too!” Kevin repeated. 

“You’re the one who told Josten that it’d be better if he stayed heterosexual when he started dating Andrew. I thought it applied to you as well, but then you go and kiss me in the middle of a club where everyone knows us! I was planning to break things off with you and make things easier for us, I didn’t think you were so eager to come out!”

“It’s not coming out to the whole world, it’s just telling our family that we- that we’re-“ Kevin fumbled.

“That we’re what, Kev? You can’t even smile and relax with your closest friends because you think they have expectations and you believe you’re not allowed to be happy. Won’t dating me - boring version of Andrew who’s not even good at exy - disappoint them?”

“And you can’t drop your careless cynical facade and let yourself enjoy things without worrying they’ll make you different from the others. Won’t dating me make you not straight enough to be “normal”?” Kevin even made air quotes and Aaron was  this  close to punching him in the mouth. Because he was right. Kevin was fucking right. But so was Aaron. It was a moot point, Kevin wouldn’t change and neither would Aaron. It couldn’t work. They were both hiding behind their stupid perfect images. 

Instead Kevin said, “But we can try. Together we can try.”

  


-

  


On Monday Aaron’s classes finished a bit earlier than usual. Aaron was glad because his head was still a mess from what had happened during the weekend. Kevin’s words kept swirling around in his head.  “Together we can try”.  He hadn’t even had the guts to reply, he’d just left. Like a dick. And now he was avoiding Kevin. He was also avoiding Neil and his brother like the plague to be on the safe side. Oh and of course he slept like shit. So yeah, Aaron was glad some of his classes were cancelled. 

Since he had a couple of free periods, he called Nicky (the only member of his family he wasn’t avoiding, yay) to ask him if he needed something from the grocery store. 

Aaron should’ve probably guessed something was wrong the moment Nicky began listing ice cream, snacks, chips, but also tomatoes and avocados and black beans. 

When Aaron got home Kevin was cooking tortillas on the stove and Nicky was chopping onions. Maybe Aaron was more sleep deprived than he thought because he was pretty sure he was hallucinating.

“Hi Aaron, how did your classes go? Here, put the bags here,” Nicky said, making room for Aaron on the table. “Did you know that Kevin can cook?” he asked, smiling.

Yes. Aaron knew, Kevin had said something during one of the RAFP dinners. Aaron saw Kevin’s shoulders tensing for a second before he swallowed hard and relaxed. “It’s nothing special, Nicky.”

“You made them from scratch!” Nicky insisted.

“Dad taught me, I wanted to try.” 

And then he smiled. Kevin Day smiled. In front of Nicky.

Nicky was a little dumbfounded himself if the expression he made was any indication. Thankfully, he had learnt how to read the room after years and years with the twins and the Foxes. He clapped his hands, satisfied and said, “I’ll have to ask Wymack to teach me too, mom never bothered! Now - Aaron roll your sleeves up, help us with the guacamole!”

Aaron nodded and if his lips curled into a small smile when he made eye contact with Kevin, well then nobody had to know (nobody but Nicky, Nicky definitely saw, but Aaron was strangely okay with it).

  


-

  


Some of the tortillas were burned, but Kevin didn’t seem to mind. 

  


-

  


After countless gaming nights, Aaron had dozens of photos of Kevin asleep on the beanbag in his phone. Kevin was soft around the edges when he slept, his features doused in the bluish light of the tv. It was supposed to be blackmail material. Or so he’d told himself when he’d taken the photos. The joke was on him, though, because Aaron couldn’t stop staring at them now that Kevin was giving him space and didn’t stay awake with him playing Mario Kart until late at night.

It wasn’t just the sex and the kisses. It was Kevin’s easy companionship. It was Kevin making tortillas and showing Aaron that he wanted this, that he wanted to try and make it work.

Aaron snapped a quick photo of the new game he’d bought, posted it on Instagram without thinking twice. It didn’t fit his feed, it showed the pile of video games in his dorm and it wasn’t edited, it was messy. Aaron didn’t care.

The caption said “u coming?”

  


-

  


Half an hour later Kevin showed up wearing only a pair of sweatpants, he settled next to Aaron on the floor and picked up the second controller. 

  


-

  


Aaron fell asleep on Kevin’s chest and woke up in Kevin’s bed, nestled against his body. He blinked one eye open and realised he still had one hour left before morning practice. The bed was a soft cocoon and Aaron found he didn’t want to untangle his limbs from Kevin’s, didn’t want to stop watching his chest rise and fall. He hid his head in the crook of Kevin’s neck and went back to sleep.

  


-

  


Aaron didn’t have nightmares as often as Andrew, but sometimes he woke up thinking he was drenched in blood and his heart was crawling out of his throat. He’d seen too much in his short life not to be plagued by nightmares every once in a while.

Aaron sat up, quietly, trying not to wake Kevin up. He didn’t remember when Kevin had began sleeping in his bed even when they didn’t have sex. Aaron didn’t remember when Kevin stopped locking the door, not caring if someone walked into their room and found them sleeping together. Aaron didn’t mind. Most nights having Kevin’s weight on top of him (that fucker couldn’t sleep like a normal human being, okay?) grounded him, helped him. But that night was not the case so Aaron tried not to wake Kevin while he tried to dislodge their bodies. He didn’t really want to leave his bed but he had to. He shuffled to the bathroom and started the shower. He knew how this went. He was used to this. Washing his hands and his face would not be enough to make him feel better. 

Aaron took a cold shower, scrubbed his skin with a sponge, stood under the spray with his eyes closed, and tried to feel the way the icy water tapped against his skin. He closed the tap only when his chest stopped trying to squeeze his heart out of his body.

Aaron dried himself off quickly, changed into a pair of soft sweatpants and a large white t-shirt and made his way to the living room. It was not going to help tonight, but maybe he could play a game or two. Those usually worked to distract him, just a bit.

He was stepping into the living room when he noticed that the lights were already on. Andrew sitting on one of the beanbags, Neil curled on his lap. And Andrew had the same dark under eyes Aaron had. Twins sharing nightmare nights, fucking great!

“Can I?” Aaron asked, gesturing to the empty beanbag.

“Get your own living room, Aaron!” Andrew replied, but it was not anger, nor hostility, it was Andrew’s own special brand of “yes”.

“Rude,” Aaron mumbled while he slouched on the beanbag. His stomach was still unsettled and he was so fucking tired, exhausted, he would probably need no less than a 3-month coma to recover.

Josten, being Josten, knew Andrew. And Andrew was disturbingly similar to Aaron after a nightmare. Sometimes Aaron thought that people couldn’t tell they didn’t grow up together if they weren’t told. Genes, he supposed. So Josten turned on the tv and let the meaningless chatter of an old exy game’s commentators calm their nerves. Sometimes Josten seemed to be less stupid than he actually was. He’d have to compliment Andrew on his excellent work, Josten had become fluent in Minyard. 

Aaron was not okay but he was getting there. He thought his breath was getting steadier when Kevin walked into the living room and immediately threw Aaron’s progress out of the window. Lovely.

Neither Aaron nor Kevin had talked to Neil about the kiss he’d seen at Eden’s. He didn’t think Neil had told Andrew because it was not his business and Neil was weirdly loyal, but Andrew was perceptive as fuck. And now Kevin, his maybe-boyfriend, was in the living room. And he could either sit on Aaron’s beanbag or on the floor. It was all up to Aaron. Pity that Aaron’s brain was momentarily out of work, too busy regrouping after a nightmare slash panic attack slash shitty memories fest. It saw Kevin, thought “comfort”, “person I can trust” and before he realised what he was doing Aaron just nodded.

Kevin nodded back. He swallowed hard and locked his eyes with Aaron, and then he picked him up, gently, he sat on the beanbag and pulled Aaron on his lap, holding him in his arms. Aaron immediately melted against Kevin’s warm chest. His body unknotted, puff, like magic when Kevin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, closer.

Aaron lifted his head to look at Kevin, to see if he was okay and make sure he was not doing something he was not ready for. (And maybe also to reassure himself). Their hug was still friendly, a bit out of character for them, but they could pretend they were nothing more than friends if they changed their minds. It was uncharted territory from now on if Kevin didn’t stop touching him.

But Kevin just kissed Aaron’s lips, quick, nothing more than a soft peck. Aaron released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Kevin carded his fingers through his mop of blond hair. It was like a balm, soothing. 

There was no denying now. Aaron rested his head against Kevin’s chest and fixed his eyes on his twin. He didn’t know what to expect from Andrew. He didn’t know what he wanted from Andrew. Approval? Acceptance? Anger?

Andrew’s face betrayed no emotion. But he tilted his head and said, “Gross”.

Aaron chuckled and buried his head in Kevin’s neck.

Aaron was so stupid when he thought he could choose who to fall for.

  


  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you thought of this fic ~~because I'm super insecure, yay!~~
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback are loved and appreciated <3  
>   
> Find me talking about aftg 24/7 on [twitter](https://twitter.com/psych0midget) and [tumblr](https://psych0midget.tumblr.com/)  
>   
> 


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